Her White Lilacs

Her White Lilacs

                         

in spring
Her white lilacs
celestial marriage  

in spring
Her white lilacs
celestial marriage
begun with a kiss
dreamt in Deseret
still fragrant
apple flowers
remember
-paul manski pic.twitter.com/AvK038gQaz

— Paul 🌿Manski (@PaulManski) April 3, 2017

begun with a kiss
dreamt in Deseret
still fragrant
apple flowers
                           

remember 

White pale beauty
Hibiscus denudatus
clefts of rocks
your leaves covered
white wooly down
inside you are
delicate magenta
by Paul Manski

-paul manski         

Valerian Kiss

A Report from Upper Deer House: by Paul Manski

                                   

                                      

       I was  happy to arrive at the upper deer house. I was happy because arriving at a deer house indicates a good circumstance. If you find yourself arriving frequently at deer houses you can be sure that you have been brought under a good circumstance. The tiny medicine deer and the large medicine deer, both kinds of deer residing at the deer house were holding special meetings regarding the spring planting of the Valeriana, and other topics of importance to them. Meeting was attended by both the small medicine deer and also the large medicine deer, in addition several wapiti, hawks and eagles dropped by to put in their input and comments and join in the celebration. Thanks to the deer residing at the deer house, along with blue stellar jays, turkey, chipmunks and squirrels who were also involved in the decision-making process. Along with rocks, trees, air, water, wind and countless other beings who were involved with the meeting.
                                  

      Deer assembled at one of their deer-park-aspen meadows recently cleared of snow. The deer were wearing their white lightning patches that are brilliant white and triangular in shape. these patches become especially large and pronounced during the meeting time. Just at sunset the last rays of the sun activate the triangular lightning patches on large medicine deer. At the point where their large triangular shaped lightning patches are activated

,they join in the celebration with squirrels, skunks, chipmunks and several representatives from the mountain lions and cats. Frogs and toads are seen leaping in place where the Valariana grows and it is a joyous time for all.         

    Waterfall were brought to the the Aspen meadow. Several waterfalls of various sizes and shapes made an appearance with bathing healing water coming down from the upper deer house, bathing all in a sweet glorious light. Ice cold baths were had by all in preparation for the Valerian kiss.

     The large and small medicine deer came up with many good ideas for the summer season. All the plans for summer are arranged at the Aspen assembly. Their Valeriana dance is the first large festive gathering at the deer house. All the animals join in planting the Valeriana. Taking with them seeds, roots, stems and whole plants that they bring with them to their homes in the forest.  They distribute the Valerian throughout the forest. The joyous dancing, singing and waterfall bathing goes long into the night.                    
                                  

         Several of the large medicine dear have called for a sprinkling of snow on the Valeriana tonight. I want to express thanks to both the large medicine deer-and the small medicine dear, and all the creatures great and small who took part in the gathering. Thank You,  for inviting me to ceremony at the deer house.                              

        The Valarian-Kiss within the Deer Park is outside of an economic zone with its paid bound intimacy. The kissing is the teaching done between the deer, the Valeriana, and the guests who have been chosen based on their passion and love, from which there is a natural embrace between the deer, Valeriana and the person.

     We discover the deer park in the act of discovery. Deer parks are teaching places within the forest. Deer parks are places where the deer, the mountains, the Valeriana and ourselves discover the intimacy of romance. 

      Deer parks are curtained intimate rooms Open to shooting stars, moon light, pollen dust of falling stars, and light of the sun. We enter them like a bedroom or like a place that has been set up for romance. It is a breath taking sight to enter the forest, we enter the Deer Park to learn about the plants not only directly from the plants themselves but also through the medicine deer who plant the medicine plants within Gardens adjacent to the Deer Park. We may enter the bedroom with an invitation or be called there and spontaneously arrange an impromptu rendezvous. The deer, the valerian and the forest itself is prepared for love. It is based on mutual attraction between the person the plant and the place. There is no coercion with regard to the plant the person or the place. The plant, person and place give themselves to one another in a rapturous kiss. Not only a kiss on the mouth, but a caressing of the whole body in the luminous night sky nourished by waterfalls and the sweet fragrant pollen of Falling Star's.

     It is well known within written history some of the great teachings and learning have occurred within Deer Park's. It is important to know that written history of teaching has little to do with teaching itself. This teaching occurs outside paid bound intimacy and works directly with those involved based on their relationship with the place. The lover is wooed in a courtship process that can take months, years or occur instantly in a single moment. When eyes meet there is a piercing of both souls between the plant person and place. When this courtship process has evolved to the level of a kiss, there is no denying its validity. It reveals itself in the process of revealing. 

     Sometimes we focus on teaching and sometimes we focus on learning. Most teaching and learning of any value, is done face-to-face directly outside of paid bound intimacy which functions in a different way. In one well documented instance someone held up a flower within the Deer Park, usually what is focused on is the person holding up the flower within the Deer Park. A true understanding of the learning has to do not so much with the person holding up a flower within a Deer Park, but the flower itself and the Deer Park. 

     Usually the normal regular understanding is that someone, A person is teaching within the Deer Park. Yet although a person may be teaching or maybe not teaching within the Deer Park, what is really happening and is not well understood. Is that from time to time the deer themselves are doing teaching within the Deer Park. The time when the deer are holding classes and teaching within the Deer Park is called the time when the deer are teaching within the Deer Park. That the deer are teaching within the Deer Park has nothing to do with the deer teaching within the Deer Park, it has to do with the learning that goes on within the Deer Park.

     
      Flowers themselves within the Deer Park are also doing teaching within the Deer Park. So when deer are teaching, this is deer teaching. When flowers are teaching, this is flower teaching. Deer parks themselves are doing teaching with flowers many of them growing within the Deer Park. When the Deer Park alone is teaching this is called Deer Park teaching. Regardless who is teaching within or withoutside the Deer Park, the key point is not teaching but learning and courtship outside of the realm of paid bound intimacy.

      So it follows that naturally it's not important to find a teacher that holds up a flower within the Deer Park, what is most important is to go directly to the Deer Park, directly to the flowers and plants growing within the deer park, planted by the large and small medicine deer who operate in and around Deer Park's. It's important to forget about the person holding the flower within the Deer Park because the person holding the flower within the Deer Park is only accidentally holding the flower within the Deer Park. Flowers hold themselves up within the Deer Park, they live breathe and move within the Deer Park holding themselves up with the forces of wind water and sky. This is of course experientially and existentially true. Flowers emerge in the spring time and hold themselves up, outside of any concept of a flower being held up. Just as you yourself hold yourself up when you're standing regardless of whether anyone is observing you in the process of standing.             

     Flowers themselves within the Deer Park may be understood as mountains. Flowers within the Deer Park may be understood as waterfalls. Flowers within the deer park maybe understood according to the understanding that one has. In this way it may be understood, "flowers are walking mountains...". Mountains walk within their own concept of mountains. Mountains like flowers hold themselves up as they emerge and meet the sky. A flower may be a mountain walking, and a mountain may be a flower walking, all things are walking in that they are moving towards their natural completion according to their entire nature. When we see a mountain and a flower walking through the perfect blue sky this is known as mountain flower walking.

     We see flowers and flowers are seeing us in that same moment, what is occurring is seeing. Often times we may be looking for a flower and if we look with our eyes for the flower we may not see the flower. It's important to become aware of being seen. Because many times the flower is looking at us. The flower is looking for us, searching for us. Seeing is not dependent on light. Seeing is not dependent on having eyes that are open or eyes that are closed. Seeing is seeing and seeing is being seen. When you are looking you are also being seen. When we practice seeing we are both the object being seen and seeing itself. So it is important at the moment that we are searching for a flower, to be aware that seeing and being seen, are one in being with the same process. Having the same nature as the process. The process of seeing is no different then the process of being seen. We are discovered in the act of discovery.

      One of the ways that plants themselves are teaching and discovering within the Deer Park is through the large medicine dear who operates and manage the Deer Park. 
                                 

    One of the first lessons that the deer give is the Valarian kiss. When you see the large triangle shaped white golden sun like rump flashing at the rear of the large medicine deer, you will easily notice that lightning and thunder are easily made and expressed through this deer rump, this is called deer lightning. Don't be surprised if out of a clear blue sky, or in the middle of the night, you see flashes of lightning and then from a distance hear thunder, or deep rumbling sounds of the earth moving back-and-forth, this is not the thunder of rain or the thunder of spring snow, this is the thunder of the deer teaching within the Deer Park imparting a Valarian kiss.                     

     
     This fundamental expression of lightning through the triangle white golden flashing area of the large medicine deer's rump and their Valerian kiss, is a powerful teaching that occurs in the first moments of spring time when the days and nights are balanced. The proper understanding of the days becoming longer in the spring time has very little to do with the sun and everything to do with the medicine deer living in the forest teaching within the Deer Park. The large and small medicine dear themselves control the rising and setting of the sun. Depending on the teaching that the medicine deer are doing on any particular day you may find an endless day that lasts forever or a short day.  Instantly you may see multiple sunrises and sunsets within a single moment of time.  You'll see the sunrise  within 10 or 15 minutes, going back-and-forth in the sky sometimes in a straight line sometimes in a circle, sometimes you'll see two or three sunrises in a single day, this is all at the discretion of the deer house teachers and the lessons that they are bringing. Some days are much longer than others within the Deer Park. You can have a very short day followed by a very long day it's all at the prerogative of the medicine dear residing within the Deer Park.             

     As we enter into an experiential herbalism it's important to enter through the Valarian kiss of the medicine deer. Just as in any human school you will have introductory classes, you may have tests that you take to see your capabilities for entering into the course of study at the beginning. The deer at the deer house within the Deer Park operate in the same way. The first teaching and introductory class begins with the Valerian kiss. The Valerian kiss is very much a girlfriend experience, GFE outside of paid bound intimacy. It is both romantic and intimate and is something that cannot be forced, purchased or bought. Within the human realm the girlfriend experience GFE, is something that you can purchase by the hour. You may visit a place like a cottontail rabbit ranch and request a GFE, girlfriend experience. This interaction is paid bound intimacy. It is a kind of intimacy yet there is a ticking clock that when the alarm rings the experience is over and the girlfriend, the GFE like wispy clouds of the morning, vanish with the light of the rising Sun. So in this sense don't expect coffee, bacon, eggs and toast with butter, to be served in the morning because the experience usually does not include breakfast.  
                                    

      Within the GFE of a cottontail rabbit ranch there is kissing and touching of an intimate nature, yet in the morning if you expect to find coffee, toast with butter, bacon and eggs served you will be expecting something which will not occur. Otherwise when you visit a cottontail rabbit Ranch there will be no kissing, no coffee. No toast with butter. No bacon and eggs will be served in the morning. There will only be a limited paid bound intimacy within the time arranged. You will be left as you begin in total emptiness unbound and yet no obligations outside of the paid bound intimacy of the ticking clock. It is also true that with the Valeriana kiss of the large medicine dear there is also no toast with butter, coffee, eggs with bacon that are served in the morning. Neither the paid bound intimacy of the girlfriend experience GFE,  at the cottontail rabbit ranch nor the unpaid experience of the Valeriana kiss with a large medicine dear offers a complementary morning breakfast. If you are searching for a complementary morning breakfast you will have to search in a different way and seek out breakfast for its own sake outside of a girlfriend experience.

     The Valeriana at the upper deer house has no system of payment, so there is no paid bound intimacy. The Deer Park, the Valariana, the waterfalls all operate outside the bounds of paid bound intimacy.  Yet within the teaching of the early spring at the deer park there is a type of GFE or girlfriend experience within the practice of the Valerian kiss. Valerian kiss is the first lesson given by both the Deer Park, the flowers who hold themselves up, and the large and small medicine deer. 

      Within the realm of herbal study, and herbalism you may find the plant Valerian is discussed as a nervine or sedative. You may hear of various ways of processing the roots or the above ground portion of the plant. There may be talk of making teas or tincturing the plant in alcohol, storing the roots and perhaps even journeying to the place where the Valarian grows. The Valerian kiss can only be imparted in the direct presence of a medicine deer and the Valerian plant herself. 

      You may see easily the large medicine deer rolling and frolicking in Meadows of Valeriana. They roll and tumble in the rapturous deep sense of its blossoms. They rub their white triangular medicine rump gently gathering the valerian scent and pollen. They luxuriously submit to its fragrance and in that moment they prepare for the Valerian kiss. We likewise in the same way imitate the deer first having taken a bath in the ice cold water fall. We follow the lead of the deer and likewise roll and frolic in the Valerian meadow rubbing it sent over our entire body. We become one with the valerian and one with the deer who offers herself to us. Her white triangular patch lifts up high into the air and she allows us to easily wrap our arms around her neck caressing her shoulders. 

     The deer like ourselves has bathed in the waterfall and is now ready to impart the delicate valerian kiss. In a moment with peals of muted thunder and flashes of lightning the deer allows the herbalist to penetrate into the mystery of plant, person and place. For a brief moment we are one with the deer the Valeriana. In that intimate embrace is the knowledge of each plant's medicine.  Exactly in the same way with an encounter at a cottontail rabbit ranch, regardless of whether there is a breakfast of toast with butter, bacon and eggs and coffee, we return to our journey slightly different, slightly changed and our journey is now alone along a plant medicine Road with the medicine deer instructing. 

Thank You Willow, for Eight Poems

Thank you Willow, for Eight Poems

thank you willow
"now it's spring"
new 🍃 leaves coming
osprey mates for life
not just good times
as long as river flows
-paul manski pic.twitter.com/5hWuOeTvCC

— Paul 🌿Manski (@PaulManski) March 22, 2017

thank you willow "now it's spring" new leaves coming osprey mates for life not just good times as long as river flows -paul manski

7 days with egg, yerba santa and oshà oil 
de- #ZOG -ing along the river, 
real news? 
osprey return to their nest, 

mating,  
making babies
-paul manski

i listen to frogs
Emily eats noodles with kimchi
her hair is black
Skin the color of clouds
both of us dream, white Deseret
-paul manski pic.twitter.com/MkWYJAskcJ

— Paul 🌿Manski (@PaulManski) March 20, 2017

i listen to frogs Emily eats noodles with kimchi her hair is black Skin the color of clouds both of us dream, white Deseret -paul manski

white pink flowers sour, sweet, spicy mountain cottontail watching, nodding head, yes

-paul manski

White snow before Melted in May Disappears in March. There will never be an ethno-state here, Only remnants in the north, In the mountains

-paul manski

Bear claw marks On alder tree the sun is warm Your breasts the color of snow

-paul manski

"If you're a stranger to the land, All you create is mischief, I am the land. I am the people."

-paul manski

Golden dawn of ethnic nationalism 

The Golden dawn of ethnic nationalism Pasque flower Anemone tuberosa, 4th Political Theory Herbalism pic.twitter.com/Ttv9qP8nwu

— Paul 🌿Manski (@PaulManski) February 24, 2017

Pasque flower 

Anemone tuberosa, 

4th Political Theory Herbalism

-paul manski

Gathering Rose Hips in Deep Snow

Gathering Rose hips In Deep Snow
BY Paul Manski

                                                               
                                                              "Gathering rose hips
                                               In deep snow
                                               wolf passes by
                                                Fat eating elk in the snow
                                                Rose with Thorns
                                                Thorns nourish boundaries
                                                  Elk, snow, wolf and thorns"
                                                   by Paul Manski          

                                 

                                      バラの  🌹  フルーツ、深い雪を収集します。  🐺  狼。雪の中でヘラジカを食べる。いばらの冠が上昇しました。とげは境界を開発します。エルク、オオカミ、雪、いばら"-ポール Manski。                   

                                                   Gathering rose hips
                                                                             

                                                   In deep snow
                                                 
                                               

                                                   wolf passes by
                                                 
                                                               

                                                   Fat eating elk in the snow
                                                 
                                                               

                                                   Rose with Thorns
                                                 
                                                             

                                                   Thorns nourish boundaries
                                                 
                                                             

                                                   Elk, snow, wolf and thorns

Today I Made Peace with Raven

     Today was a good day, I made peace with the black raven. Raven and I go back a long ways, raven has always been there hawking, and cawing. He’ll slap his throat and sound like  glass tinkling in the bottom of a deep hole. He’s always watching, looking, seeing what’s going on. He doesn’t miss a trick, nothing goes unnoticed. He’ll be the first to hit on road kill, he enjoys it just fine. He’s not particular, he’s a survivor. He’s not a fine hunter, like the red tailed hawk I seen. Hawk will just swoop down. Drop down out of the sky like lightning, quiet without thunder. The cottontail rabbit knows what’s going on. It’s not life and death so much as always saying yes. “Ok you got me.’, cotton tail says. He’ll just stand still and wait his turn, giving into the moment.

       One time I asked cottontail rabbit, I said, “What’s up man?” Why don’t you run when hawk comes swooping down?” “How come you’ll freeze up, like you’re saying, ‘Go ahead. Eat me.’”? What’s up with that?” Rabbit told me. “You just don’t get it. You got to see it through my eyes. Couldn’t have hawks without rabbits. Can’t have rabbits without hawks. We’re one and the same. You think you’re different. If you’re seeing me it’s because I’m seeing you through the same eyes.”

     Well I had to think on that one for a while, what rabbit told me. Raven though, he’s an opportunist. I’m not sure if he creates opportunities or if he is the opportunity. Or if he’s just always waiting, watching. I’m not sure if Raven makes things happen, or he is what happen.

      Lot’s of times I’d prefer to see a hawk, or even a juniper jay, raven gets the job done though. He doesn’t quit. He’s the first to come back after a fire, and the last to leave. He’s like mullein, fireweed, Ambrosia, he’ll return after the hottest fires. He’ll do just fine. Raven doesn’t need beauty or pristine situations, a garbage dump is just fine.

     I had no plan on making peace with the raven today. I didn’t get up and say, “Well, today’s the day I make peace with raven. It’s the middle of winter, almost New Years, so I better make peace with raven today.” No, not like that at all. I didn’t have any plans at all to make peace with blackie. I don’t even like ravens to be honest. Ther’re kinda disturbing. They’ll keep cawing, caw, caw, caw. It’s loud too. It’s not a woodpecker bom, bom, bom, bom hammering in the morning. You know woodpecker has sense. Woodpecker has a plan. He’s eating bugs. He’s getting those pine bark beetles in the ponderosa pines. He’s doing something constructive, something that helps the forest. Saves the trees. Raven though, he just making racket, making a loud noise.

     If I had my plinker with me, and he would of  kept it up, I might  of took a  shot. Just to scare him off. I was trying to find tranquility, peace. I wasn’t wanting to hear quacking and honking, caw, caw. When you go walking in the woods it’s like that. You don’t always find what you’re looking for.

               So as I kept walking I knew I had to do something. The thing is when you’re dealing with wild creatures you have to take a different approach. There’s a different approach for the tame and the wild. Especially if you don’t have a plinker.

     Now, I could of threw a stone, or yelled. These are wild ravens, these aren’t the kind that hang out at dumpsters. They live in the woods. They hang out with turbnella oaks, emoryi, alligator junipers and ponderosa pine. Twenty five miles from the nearest town. These aren’t the kind of ravens you can scare off throwing a stone. They fly like eagles. They soar. They play in the sky. This is their playhouse. This is raven’s playhouse. You can see them playing around on the thermals along the rim rocks. They fly high. They spin and dance around in the air. They don’t fly for a purpose. They are the purpose. This was a day in the raven’s playhouse. It was annoying. I was in their spot. This is their place not mine.

    So with this type of raven, you’ll need a different approach. You need to engage with these ravens. Good thing I learned how to do that way back when I was a sheepherder for the Spratts up at Lysite, Lost Cabins, Wyoming. All the way from the gas hills near Riverton, to Alkali creek. Up to the Little Big Horns, in back a Tensleep.  Old Basque Joe Aguilar, taught me that. When I went to visit him and his dog Ponchitta.

     We were dropping lambs near the Owl creeks, just a little ways past Boyson. The weather had turned and eight inches of spring snow was turning everything into a soupy mess. So we had to stay put. I couldn’t move. We put our wagons next to each other, real close, maybe a quarter mile away. When you’re herding, your alone except when you’re with the drop bunch.

        These were Columbia Ramboulette cross, and those ewes were good lambers even with snow. We found some dry ground on the south side of Alkali creek. His bunch were on one side, mine on the other. When they came down to water they could get into a lot of trouble if they crossed the creek. Couldn’t get them mixed. So we be up on the hillside counting our blacks, watching the snow melt, eating mutton stew and drinking coffee, talking.

     Joe didn’t talk much, he’d eyeball you. There were a lot of buzzards and ravens eating the placenta and after birth. Circling and with the cow birds eating up the grain we fed the horses.  He taught me how to engage with the ravens. He said. “You gotta talk to ‘em. Tell them what you want them to do. You’re the top hand. They’ll listen to ya. Butcha gotta talk to em’.”

     Now this conversation was over two weeks, eating lot’s a mutton. Drinking coffee. Watching snow melt. So I am speeding it up so you can follow. Now the ravens and buzzards didn’t seem to bother Joe’s bunch like they did mine. They’d be all over my bunch, sqwuaking and cawing, and making an awful ruckus.  You know when you see something like that, it bothers you. “What the heck is he dong, that I’m not?”

@realEmilyYoucis @YouTube "Today I Made Peace with Raven". - my @PaulManski https://t.co/UUok6MyPHz pic.twitter.com/FB5x1jlpWG

— Paul 🐟Manski (@PaulManski) December 31, 2016

      So we’d split up around 10, send our bunches in different directions which was hard looking for grass. Joe always took the best grass, I had to give him that, he was a top hand. Doing this longer than the year’s I’d been born with. So I tried it. Talking to ravens. Felt like a fool but had to do something. I wasn’t sure what kind of voice to use. So I tried whispering. I tried just a normal voice. I sang songs to them. I tried yelling in a loud voice. I tried to talk with a Basque accent, like Joe. Nothing worked. So I was thinking maybe talk to them in Basque, whatever the heck that was. I knew a few words in Spanish and Basque sounds like Spanish, maybe that would work. Nothing worked.

     So after a few days Joe said to me, “Any luck?”, now for Joe that’s a lot of talk. Joe told me, “I’ll be back, going to Riverton,” Joe was going to get laid at a whorehouse in Riverton with some cheap Mexican hookers. One of them was a real fine piece of ass I heard. Her name was Lydia. In fact rumor was she got the clap working at a whorehouse in Pahrump Nevada, but she was clean now, but had to wait 30 days before she could go back to the Cottontail Ranch. She was waiting for a checkup. Those girls are well kept some of them were blondes. She was a Steed from Colorado City and rumor had it she had a falling out with Rulon Jeffs, the head prophet up that way. Lost her kids to the third wife and had been running ever since. Any way she was worse than a jack Mormon. She definitely had strong Neanderthal traits. She had freckles all over her body, they even said down to her back pocket, but I never got a chance to see that.

     Well if Joe was going to Riverton, he could be back Wednesday or gone till Fall, could never tell with those guys. He did say he’d show me how to talk to ravens, I took him at his word. I’d have my hands full till he got back with two bunches, no talking to ravens till then.

       Joe did come back Wednesday, I figured he probably needed to go to the bank. He never told me if he went to the whorehouse, he did have a haircut, so I figured he probably did.

     So I said to Joe, “I’ve never heard you talking to ravens.” He said a couple hours later, “you don’t talk out loud. You talk in pictures.” So I figured that was bull shit. I knew Ace was putting out cyanide for the coyotes. I figured the ravens were probably eating it, he just forgot to spread any on my side of the creek.

     Did never find out if talking to the ravens in pictures worked or not because a few days later lambing was wrapping and I left the drop bunch with 1000 Columbia ramboulette cross ewes and lambs and headed up towards Tensleep. I was ready to get out of there anyway, I kept thinking about Lydia Steed and her freckles. It was driving me nuts. Joe Aguilar had a transistor radio, and every time this duet with Dolly Parton, Linda Ronstadt and Emmy Lou Harris came on I kept thinking about Riverton.

     I had forgotten that story with Joe Aguilar until I was walking today in the woods looking for some decent red root. Not the kind I’ve been finding lately which has been yellow on the inside. I hate red root that’s yellow. I mean yellow red root? C’mon. I mean it still makes a decent medicine, but it you compare it to redroot that’s red all the way through it’s just not the same. It doesn’t have that wintergreen. It doesn’t have the bite.

     These ravens were really bothering me, focusing on me. I guess they hungry. It’s just that I didn’t come up here to listen to caw, caw, caw. I hadn’t thought of Joe Aguilar in years. What’s that about? So I tried it, I started talking in pictures to the raven. I saw the raven flying high in the sky. It worked the raven started riding the thermals on the rimrocks. He was dancing in the sky, real pretty to watch. I called him back down and he came back and landed in a big Ponderosa pine that was struck by lightning. Then I realized I had to make with the raven. That’s why I came up here, not for red root.

     Unfinished business. I had to remember, take serious the memories. I had been forgetting. I had been trying to escape the thoughts of my own mind. I hadn’t been paying attention. I hadn’t been listening. I was too concerned with what people would say about me. I wanted approval. I blocked access to my own thinking. I started looking out, or even looking in, but neither looking out or looking in is important- what matters is looking at whatever is there. Seeing it.

    So me and the ravens we were talking back and forth in pictures. Me sitting on the edge of the rimrocks, raven up in the lightning struck Ponderosa pine. Raven was raven, I was myself. We were both listening. I wasn’t sure if were listening to one another But I felt listening going on. I felt more sensitive. I started to notice how my body felt sitting on the edge of this cliff.

     Along time ago there was another raven A raven in a chicken coup. There was a raven bothering my chickens. I got extremely pisssed off with that raven. I would get up in the morning at sunrise, to get that raven. We both had issues with some chickens some time ago. Well not issues with the chickens, issues with the eggs. We both liked that sweet, creamy orange yolk from those little Arcana hens.

     I was living by this time just west of the Paria river. In a little bit of private land surrounded by BLM. I loved those chickens and loved those eggs. Winter was starting to freeze, the hens weren’t laying well. Then it started. This raven started cracking the eggs and eating up the yolks. I wasn’t getting any eggs at all, just broken shells. Raven would sit up in a shred bark Utah one seeded juniper. Wait for the hens to lay. Then hop step into the coup and eat them. This raven was getting the best of me, the only thing I could think of the black raven eating my blue Arcana chicken eggs.

     So raven and I got into this struggle. I’d set out there with my plinker, waiting for raven to land in the juniper. Without fail as soon as I moved, he’d fly off. I tried everything. I set up a blind, as soon as I grabbed my plinker,  the raven would fly away. This went on for some time I did get some good shots, not sure if I winged him, as he took off. I might of gotten him I don’t know.

     As things would have it, it didn’t matter. Not much later a tall leggy bobcat got in the coup. Hop stepping just like the raven. As I was still trying to get raven I had my plinker next to the coup. I ended up shooting the bobcat. Turns out he had a bum leg. Usually bob cats don’t hang around people. Not during the day. Got a decent skin from that cat, which I brain tanned, funny thing after that the raven disappeared. He never came back. Maybe I did get him, not sure.

     That was the unfinished business. So now to day on my hike, all these thoughts of ravens and unfinished business. That’s what I needed to clear up. When I walk in the woods there can’t be unfinished business. I needed to solve the past to embrace the present. The past was holding me back. Unfinished business with raven had to be addressed now.

      So I explained to raven in pictures how nice I thought he was flying. How sleek and black his feathers looked in the grey sky as he was riding the thermals. I was glad I saw him today. I gave him some more pictures. I saw the raven flying way up in the sky. I saw him with his mate, and I hoped she’d be a good one.

I wished them well to have lot’s of raven chicks, lot’s of babies.

    I can’t say the raven gave me any pictues. I did look straight down where I was sitting. I’m not sure the raven gave me a picture to look down or not. The raven took off back to the thermals. I realized I made peace with the black raven. Something changed. Algerita. Didn’t expect to see any Oregon grape up this way. When I looked down I saw two Mahonia, two Berberis repens. I had been hiking about three or four hours and hadn’t seen any. Right there at my feet were two. One was bright green, the other bright red.

     I pulled up a little piece and started chewing on the bright mustard yellow Algerita root. The peace got deeper and deeper. I knew I had been holding on to that for a long time. It was a block.  I was fighting that black raven. I couldn’t see the raven only the Arcana eggs.  I couldn’t see how beautiful he flies. I was disturbed by the ravens honking, caw, caw, caw.

     I kept eating Algerita. I knew it was the medicine I was needing. It was a good medicine. I never felt that from Oregon grape. It was bitter, with a hint of east coast sassafras, hint of wintergreen. I knew deer brought medicine, everybody knows that. Not ravens, this was something new. I was finally feeling better n this, some kind of breakthrough. Then I realized the raven was gone.

    So I sent a picture just like Joe Aguilar said. I called back the raven. I sent him a picture of Algerita. Just a tiny bit of blue sky broke through. The mountains on the other side were illuminated. I felt there was an exchange, good medicine. Finally today I made peace with the raven.